Believe it or not, peer pressure begins as early as the toddler years. For some it never entirely disappears

In varying degrees, peer pressure affects all of us. It fuels fads and influences what wristwatch to wear, what car to drive, and where to go for our vacations. And if even well-adjusted adults feel the pressure to measure up, imagine for a teenager. The teen years are very confusing times, as the child defines his personality, identity and sexuality. And they are more vulnerable to negative peer pressure because he spends more time with their peers than with you.

So, here are a few steps on how we can protect them,if not entirely, but at least to the extent where they won’t go the wrong way.

1. Set crystal clear boundaries - when they are young, rules give babies ab toddlers structure. As they get older, rules provide guidance and needed boundaries. They will try to test your values and it is important not to back down on your own rules.

2. Be a better listener - I know we are good listeners, but, the key is to step it up a notch. Develop a bond with your children that will make them go to you when their feelings are hurt. When your grade-schooler tells you he’s not part of the “cool kids” gang in school, don’t trivialize his feelings by saying “You shouldn’t be upset with that”. Listen to the complaints.

3. Talk with them about peer pressure - Tell your preteen about peer pressure before it happens. You can say, “One of these days, your friends will tell you it’s cool to smoke,drink alcohol, or try a joint, but always but always think about the consequences of your actions. Smoking causes cancer, alcohol can get addictive, and these can affect your grades..”

4. Keep ‘em busy - Your teens cannot hangout if their days are filled with productive activities such as sports, crafts, church choir or other social programs.

5. Do not attack your kid’s friends - Teens will take it personally if they will attack their friends. Instead of saying that their friends are losers or bad influences, try saying that they have shifted priorities and say the consequences which you can point out without being judgemental.

Bottom line is to stay involved in your child’s life no matter what age. Your role, and in the future, will be my role as well, is to guide but not decide for them. When you do, you help your child have the best chance of finding the right balance between their individuality and accepting group beliefs.